Things are going absolutely fab here in the Newton household! Kids are having a blast on summer break,rainbow baby is kicking up a storm and im no longer puking my life away! Nausea is my constant enemy but I can deal. Cliff is about to take a new position for a new company and that means way better benefits and even better $$$$$!!! Im so proud of him and how far he has taken his career!! Finally my mans getting paid what he is worth! Good job, babe!!!!
We are coming up to our ultrasound date in the next few weeks. We can't wait to find out if this little person is a boy or a girl! Im itching to go shopping!
We also have our Jersey shore trip coming up. We kept having to push it back because of the whole job thing. Can't wait!
So yeah, that's it for now! Life is good, the beer is cold and people are crazy!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Whats new pussycat...
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Let me get that out. Lets see if I can write some more before I doze off again. Excuse the typos and run on sentences. Excuse the lame jokes and blah blah blah.
This has been the most insane few weeks of this year. I hope the last few weeks have found everyone in good health and your lives have been full and rich with many blessings!!!
First an update on Justin. He is fine. Perfect little devil. Never heard back from his hematologist so I'm assuming the test she re-ran on him came back okay.
Robbie is great. Freaking out about his SOL testing, which I personally as a mother am PISSED about. Seriously. My 9 year old should not be stressing a stupid test but focusing on learning and enjoying school! I'm not the only one who thinks this way. Parents are opting their kids out of the SOL testing. Its an option many parents don't know they have. Now you do :) Thanks to me. Yay me!
Jade is doing great, also. Well except for school. I think she will be held back this year. And we are all okay with it. She has a major disadvantage going for her - her age. She is a year younger then most her classmates. This makes it hard for her to be on the same learning level as the rest of her grade. We asked her if she is okay with it and she said she was. She understands. Hopefully we get a teacher this next year that will put more into her achieving instead of focusing on holding her back.
Cliff is good. He has been SUPER DUPER busy. He has taken on another project for work on top of what he is already doing so he is pretty swept up in work. Talked about the possibility of moving to Florida for a project down there. I'm all for it! LETS MOVE! SEE YA COLD WEATHER!!!
The house is coming along. Sort of. He has been busting his ass to get the flower beds mulched and stuff planted. Butterfly garden wasn't done before Haleigh's due date this past Saturday but that's this weekends project. Its going to be perfect when its done. We have butterfly attracting flowers all picked out and waiting to be planted.
Well, now we get to me. We all know how much I hate talking about me. ;)
Back in March I started not feeling too good. I was tired and cranky and just feeling all together blah. That lead to questions which lead to a pee stick which lead to a big fat + (POSITIVE). It took us by surprise. We had agreed that we were done trying to have more kids. I was done after my chemical pregnancy/2nd loss in February. It was just too emotionally draining for me to even want to get pregnant again only to be let down.
Well, this was a blessing. Its taken some time to get use to because of the loss of the baby back in September. Its been a very trying time for us the last few weeks. Its been hard to invest in a pregnancy that can have a tragic end like the previous 2. Its unknown and its so very scary. We kept it on the hush for a while. We didn't want to get everyone all excited only to be bearer of bad news again if something was to go wrong. We finally told his mom last night. We felt it was safe with all the stuff thats been going on with my health.
Thats my next topic. If you have been or are pregnant and have never had to endure morning sickness, FEEL VERY, VERY BLESSED!!!!!!!!!!!! Every single one of my pregnancies(except with Haleigh, which was the first sign something was wrong) have lead to one thing: Hyperemesis gravidarum (<~ you can find info on it if you click here) and hospital stays. It starts for me around 6 weeks and I'm doomed from then till I give birth. I had my first OB appointment last Monday and I was feeling yucky but it was manageable. I was tired and slept most of my days away to keep the puking to a minimal. Its no fun being in bed 75% of the day. I was puking up stuff but was able to hold things down. We got to see our little rainbow baby on a super ancient ultrasound machine and I wept when I saw the little flicker of my sweet babies heartbeat on the screen. There was no denying that that little baby growing inside me was very much alive and a week younger then I had thought! So at 6 weeks and 6 days, my little rainbow baby had a strong and beautiful heartbeat!!!
SAY HI TO RAINBOW BABY!!!! Purple circle between the two X's is rainbow baby! Its a HORRIBLE first photo!!! But like I said, the machine was about as old as my grandma. I didn't care. I saw what I needed to see!!!
Seems that the loss in February threw my ovulation off so when I thought we were safe, we were playing with fire. And what I thought was my monthly in February was really me miscarrying again.
A day or so after we had our first appointment, hell broke loose. My throwing up became a constant thing. Nothing was staying down. I was stuck on my death bed for 3 days before Cliff said enough was enough. The doctors had put me on Zofran, Reglan and Promethazine (all which makes me VERY sleepy!!!). All at the same time. PILLS DO NOT WORK ON A WOMAN WHO CANT EVEN KEEP A TABLESPOON OF WATER DOWN!! So Monday, Cliff called the doctor for me and told them they need to do something. He took me to the ER where I broke down crying everytime I saw someone with a water bottle. Ive never wanted water so badly in all my life. Like I would literally force myself to drink water only to throw it up 2 seconds later but I needed to taste its coldness!!! I was desperate!!!! I stayed there and got re-juiced and some IV meds. I felt like a million bucks but I told the doctor I needed to be set up with a portable IV machine. She said she would talk to my OB/GYNs office and see what they say. She spoke to the doc on call and it was the doctor I HATE HATE HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!! This man never once came to see me and has NO clue of my past history with this. It was left to him to say I didnt need to be sent home with anything other then what I got. JERK!!! I sat there and looked the ER doc in the face and said I thought it was BS and that I would be back because they werent listening to me.
I didnt know at the time but Cliff was already at my OBs office working out details to have a home-care nurse come in and help me with a portable Zofran machine. Thank god for Cliff. This man took the day off to take care of everything for me including the kids who are off for spring break. So starting in the next day or so, Ill be hooked up to a little cell phone sized machine that pumps meds into my body for as long as I need it. I have to function so this is my last resort. Taking on Hyperemesis and 3 kids is no joke.
Ive lost 15lbs since last Monday. That's how serious this is. If mama isn't getting any nutrients, neither is baby. So I take this VERY serious. Its not the diet I had in mind when I said I wanted to lose weight a couple months ago!!
So there you have it.
Oh and just to let everyone know, I have a horrible attitude now. So if you piss me off enough be prepared to be disowned. You've been warned. I'm pregnant and hormonal which makes me very not nice but it only shows IF you make me angry. Or cry. Don't make me cry. You will not like me anymore.Oh and dont ask me if this is our last baby or tell me that I should know better then to get pregnant again because of how sick I get. I didnt ask for this. But I do love the little babies that come out of it all. And I would do it a billion times over if I could.
We're having a rainbow baby!!!! Sometime between Thanksgiving and December 6th!!!! EEK!!!
This has been the most insane few weeks of this year. I hope the last few weeks have found everyone in good health and your lives have been full and rich with many blessings!!!
First an update on Justin. He is fine. Perfect little devil. Never heard back from his hematologist so I'm assuming the test she re-ran on him came back okay.
Robbie is great. Freaking out about his SOL testing, which I personally as a mother am PISSED about. Seriously. My 9 year old should not be stressing a stupid test but focusing on learning and enjoying school! I'm not the only one who thinks this way. Parents are opting their kids out of the SOL testing. Its an option many parents don't know they have. Now you do :) Thanks to me. Yay me!
Jade is doing great, also. Well except for school. I think she will be held back this year. And we are all okay with it. She has a major disadvantage going for her - her age. She is a year younger then most her classmates. This makes it hard for her to be on the same learning level as the rest of her grade. We asked her if she is okay with it and she said she was. She understands. Hopefully we get a teacher this next year that will put more into her achieving instead of focusing on holding her back.
Cliff is good. He has been SUPER DUPER busy. He has taken on another project for work on top of what he is already doing so he is pretty swept up in work. Talked about the possibility of moving to Florida for a project down there. I'm all for it! LETS MOVE! SEE YA COLD WEATHER!!!
The house is coming along. Sort of. He has been busting his ass to get the flower beds mulched and stuff planted. Butterfly garden wasn't done before Haleigh's due date this past Saturday but that's this weekends project. Its going to be perfect when its done. We have butterfly attracting flowers all picked out and waiting to be planted.
Well, now we get to me. We all know how much I hate talking about me. ;)
Back in March I started not feeling too good. I was tired and cranky and just feeling all together blah. That lead to questions which lead to a pee stick which lead to a big fat + (POSITIVE). It took us by surprise. We had agreed that we were done trying to have more kids. I was done after my chemical pregnancy/2nd loss in February. It was just too emotionally draining for me to even want to get pregnant again only to be let down.
Well, this was a blessing. Its taken some time to get use to because of the loss of the baby back in September. Its been a very trying time for us the last few weeks. Its been hard to invest in a pregnancy that can have a tragic end like the previous 2. Its unknown and its so very scary. We kept it on the hush for a while. We didn't want to get everyone all excited only to be bearer of bad news again if something was to go wrong. We finally told his mom last night. We felt it was safe with all the stuff thats been going on with my health.
Thats my next topic. If you have been or are pregnant and have never had to endure morning sickness, FEEL VERY, VERY BLESSED!!!!!!!!!!!! Every single one of my pregnancies(except with Haleigh, which was the first sign something was wrong) have lead to one thing: Hyperemesis gravidarum (<~ you can find info on it if you click here) and hospital stays. It starts for me around 6 weeks and I'm doomed from then till I give birth. I had my first OB appointment last Monday and I was feeling yucky but it was manageable. I was tired and slept most of my days away to keep the puking to a minimal. Its no fun being in bed 75% of the day. I was puking up stuff but was able to hold things down. We got to see our little rainbow baby on a super ancient ultrasound machine and I wept when I saw the little flicker of my sweet babies heartbeat on the screen. There was no denying that that little baby growing inside me was very much alive and a week younger then I had thought! So at 6 weeks and 6 days, my little rainbow baby had a strong and beautiful heartbeat!!!
SAY HI TO RAINBOW BABY!!!! Purple circle between the two X's is rainbow baby! Its a HORRIBLE first photo!!! But like I said, the machine was about as old as my grandma. I didn't care. I saw what I needed to see!!!
A day or so after we had our first appointment, hell broke loose. My throwing up became a constant thing. Nothing was staying down. I was stuck on my death bed for 3 days before Cliff said enough was enough. The doctors had put me on Zofran, Reglan and Promethazine (all which makes me VERY sleepy!!!). All at the same time. PILLS DO NOT WORK ON A WOMAN WHO CANT EVEN KEEP A TABLESPOON OF WATER DOWN!! So Monday, Cliff called the doctor for me and told them they need to do something. He took me to the ER where I broke down crying everytime I saw someone with a water bottle. Ive never wanted water so badly in all my life. Like I would literally force myself to drink water only to throw it up 2 seconds later but I needed to taste its coldness!!! I was desperate!!!! I stayed there and got re-juiced and some IV meds. I felt like a million bucks but I told the doctor I needed to be set up with a portable IV machine. She said she would talk to my OB/GYNs office and see what they say. She spoke to the doc on call and it was the doctor I HATE HATE HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!! This man never once came to see me and has NO clue of my past history with this. It was left to him to say I didnt need to be sent home with anything other then what I got. JERK!!! I sat there and looked the ER doc in the face and said I thought it was BS and that I would be back because they werent listening to me.
I didnt know at the time but Cliff was already at my OBs office working out details to have a home-care nurse come in and help me with a portable Zofran machine. Thank god for Cliff. This man took the day off to take care of everything for me including the kids who are off for spring break. So starting in the next day or so, Ill be hooked up to a little cell phone sized machine that pumps meds into my body for as long as I need it. I have to function so this is my last resort. Taking on Hyperemesis and 3 kids is no joke.
Ive lost 15lbs since last Monday. That's how serious this is. If mama isn't getting any nutrients, neither is baby. So I take this VERY serious. Its not the diet I had in mind when I said I wanted to lose weight a couple months ago!!
So there you have it.
Oh and just to let everyone know, I have a horrible attitude now. So if you piss me off enough be prepared to be disowned. You've been warned. I'm pregnant and hormonal which makes me very not nice but it only shows IF you make me angry. Or cry. Don't make me cry. You will not like me anymore.Oh and dont ask me if this is our last baby or tell me that I should know better then to get pregnant again because of how sick I get. I didnt ask for this. But I do love the little babies that come out of it all. And I would do it a billion times over if I could.
We're having a rainbow baby!!!! Sometime between Thanksgiving and December 6th!!!! EEK!!!
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Loss - Grief - Healing - Hope
Im learning as time goes on, that grief from a pregnancy loss is like a cancer.
It shows up one day totally unexpected. Exposes weaknesses you never knew you had.
It redefines a person and their life. How they live every day. Do you get up and face the day and the pain of having to live while your baby has passed? Or do you remain in bed and let it all consume you? Do you try again? Do you fight it or do you give up?
At first, its a battle to live and see any positive outcome beyond the dark hole you find yourself in. Grief takes over. You mourn. You cry. You get angry. You ask questions that may never be answered. You search for people who can understand. You laugh. You at one point question your own sanity. And you ask why... Why me? Why my family? Why did this happen?
Grief goes into remission.
Months(or years) after fighting the initial battle of loss, grief subsides a little. The silver lining of the recovery process makes it way through the storm clouds. A little bit of sunshine peeking through. You can smile again. You're able to look at life in a whole new light. A healing light. And a rainbow of hope. Because for a while, you lost all hope. Its a beautiful feeling to gain it again.
But every now and again, that grief will creep up on you. It can come in the most benign forms. And sometimes it comes as a slap in your face.
Something as simple as a friends new baby can bring up that grief again. And it eats away at you. You want YOUR baby to be born, too. I know I do. I know I ache for those kicks and achy ribs, frequent bathroom trips and morning sickness.
Sometimes it could be as simple as a commercial or TV show with a baby in it. My husband use to change the channel when there were new babies that came on during TV programs. He saw how upset it made me and didnt like it. After I while I felt it was okay to leave the shows on and I told him to stop. It was a baby step for me.
It can be a sharp sting to your soul. The loss of a friends pregnancy can bring up all that hurt again. Knowing what they have ahead of them but at the same time knowing you hate that you now can relate to that pain. Its a pain we all share when we lose a baby. Be it at 4 weeks of at 40 weeks. Your baby died. Their baby died. Its the worse thing a couple/family and a woman has to go through. Unfulfilled dreams and unspent love.
Just as sudden(or over time) as grief came back into your life, its back in remission.
Baby steps of the healing process. In and out of grief. And its okay. Its perfectly normal. Dont let anyone lead you to believe otherwise.
Im learning to heal. And with that Ive learned to hope and have faith in God who has a plan for us all. It may not be the plan we want, but its the plan he knows we need.
We all need hope. And we all need to hang on to the faith.
As for grief; you learn to bare it and move through it as part of your life. Never forgetting that sweet little angel watching over you.
Im waiting for my rainbow. Because I know that my rainy skys are giving way to a silver lining and soon Ill feel the warmth of the sun rays.
Hugs to all my baby loss moms. Love and Light bless you all.
It shows up one day totally unexpected. Exposes weaknesses you never knew you had.
It redefines a person and their life. How they live every day. Do you get up and face the day and the pain of having to live while your baby has passed? Or do you remain in bed and let it all consume you? Do you try again? Do you fight it or do you give up?
At first, its a battle to live and see any positive outcome beyond the dark hole you find yourself in. Grief takes over. You mourn. You cry. You get angry. You ask questions that may never be answered. You search for people who can understand. You laugh. You at one point question your own sanity. And you ask why... Why me? Why my family? Why did this happen?
Grief goes into remission.
Months(or years) after fighting the initial battle of loss, grief subsides a little. The silver lining of the recovery process makes it way through the storm clouds. A little bit of sunshine peeking through. You can smile again. You're able to look at life in a whole new light. A healing light. And a rainbow of hope. Because for a while, you lost all hope. Its a beautiful feeling to gain it again.
But every now and again, that grief will creep up on you. It can come in the most benign forms. And sometimes it comes as a slap in your face.
Something as simple as a friends new baby can bring up that grief again. And it eats away at you. You want YOUR baby to be born, too. I know I do. I know I ache for those kicks and achy ribs, frequent bathroom trips and morning sickness.
Sometimes it could be as simple as a commercial or TV show with a baby in it. My husband use to change the channel when there were new babies that came on during TV programs. He saw how upset it made me and didnt like it. After I while I felt it was okay to leave the shows on and I told him to stop. It was a baby step for me.
It can be a sharp sting to your soul. The loss of a friends pregnancy can bring up all that hurt again. Knowing what they have ahead of them but at the same time knowing you hate that you now can relate to that pain. Its a pain we all share when we lose a baby. Be it at 4 weeks of at 40 weeks. Your baby died. Their baby died. Its the worse thing a couple/family and a woman has to go through. Unfulfilled dreams and unspent love.
Just as sudden(or over time) as grief came back into your life, its back in remission.
Baby steps of the healing process. In and out of grief. And its okay. Its perfectly normal. Dont let anyone lead you to believe otherwise.
Im learning to heal. And with that Ive learned to hope and have faith in God who has a plan for us all. It may not be the plan we want, but its the plan he knows we need.
We all need hope. And we all need to hang on to the faith.
As for grief; you learn to bare it and move through it as part of your life. Never forgetting that sweet little angel watching over you.
Im waiting for my rainbow. Because I know that my rainy skys are giving way to a silver lining and soon Ill feel the warmth of the sun rays.
Hugs to all my baby loss moms. Love and Light bless you all.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
**Sigh**
Dear Family,
No, I'm not pregnant.
I was at one point this past month.
Seems that my embryo didn't like my uterus.
Oh well. Such is life.
You can stop talking about it now. Hope this cleared up any confusion.
~R
No, I'm not pregnant.
I was at one point this past month.
Seems that my embryo didn't like my uterus.
Oh well. Such is life.
You can stop talking about it now. Hope this cleared up any confusion.
~R
Thursday, February 24, 2011
I wonder...
So, Ive had some down time lately and that means a lot of time to think. There is a bunch of stuff on my mind from Justins health to my own.
Yesterday I was thinking about my miscarriage in September. I was trying to figure out all the things I could of possibly done that might of caused it. I know, I know.. they happen but it doesn't stop a woman from thinking this way from time to time. Its a natural process but its also hard to accept because we always are looking for a cause to things that happen in life.
I started thinking back before I even found out I was pregnant. Vacations, drinking like a mad woman with friends, flying, stress, Justin jumping on my belly just a few days before our loss. All of it could of caused some kind of damage to my growing baby that might have contributed to her death. I thought back even further and something stood out in my head.... My IUD.
I had issues with getting an IUD but I needed a more reliable form of birth control since I fail at taking the pill. Ive always been afraid to get an IUD because of the damage it could cause my uterus. I'm not cool with sticking objects in my body that shouldn't be there. I'm not even cool with taking a birth control pill because they cause miscarriages to occur. Yes, believe it or not, if an egg is fertilized while you are on the pill, you will lose that pregnancy because the pill causes your lining to not be favorable for the egg to implant. But drug companies and doctors FAIL to tell you this. This is also why a birth control pill is not 100% and only 92% effective. Theres that 8% chance the egg will implant.
Anywho, maybe the IUD did something to my uterus. Ive had no issues with completing a pregnancy to full term(except for the blighted ovum). Then I get the IUD removed, get pregnant months later and lose the pregnancy. Then the chemical pregnancy happens. So, I wonder if the two go hand in hand.
Its just a thought though. Who knows. All I know is that Im not going to be introducing any chemicals into my body ever again. No more birth control. No more! If I get pregnant again, thats a personal choice for me and my husband. We both know we will be okay. Babies in this house are a blessing! Now....Dear body, HOLD ON TO MY BABIES AND STOP LOSING THEM!!!!
Yesterday I was thinking about my miscarriage in September. I was trying to figure out all the things I could of possibly done that might of caused it. I know, I know.. they happen but it doesn't stop a woman from thinking this way from time to time. Its a natural process but its also hard to accept because we always are looking for a cause to things that happen in life.
I started thinking back before I even found out I was pregnant. Vacations, drinking like a mad woman with friends, flying, stress, Justin jumping on my belly just a few days before our loss. All of it could of caused some kind of damage to my growing baby that might have contributed to her death. I thought back even further and something stood out in my head.... My IUD.
I had issues with getting an IUD but I needed a more reliable form of birth control since I fail at taking the pill. Ive always been afraid to get an IUD because of the damage it could cause my uterus. I'm not cool with sticking objects in my body that shouldn't be there. I'm not even cool with taking a birth control pill because they cause miscarriages to occur. Yes, believe it or not, if an egg is fertilized while you are on the pill, you will lose that pregnancy because the pill causes your lining to not be favorable for the egg to implant. But drug companies and doctors FAIL to tell you this. This is also why a birth control pill is not 100% and only 92% effective. Theres that 8% chance the egg will implant.
Anywho, maybe the IUD did something to my uterus. Ive had no issues with completing a pregnancy to full term(except for the blighted ovum). Then I get the IUD removed, get pregnant months later and lose the pregnancy. Then the chemical pregnancy happens. So, I wonder if the two go hand in hand.
Its just a thought though. Who knows. All I know is that Im not going to be introducing any chemicals into my body ever again. No more birth control. No more! If I get pregnant again, thats a personal choice for me and my husband. We both know we will be okay. Babies in this house are a blessing! Now....Dear body, HOLD ON TO MY BABIES AND STOP LOSING THEM!!!!
Monday, February 21, 2011
On the road to recovery!
Excellent Hematologist appointment today!
Hgb 10
Hct 30
RBC ? I know its higher then before which means the marrow is doing its job again!
Everything is climbing just like it should.
SO!!! That means that T.E.C. may have been what he has after all. Still waiting on the Parvo results.
Some folic and B12 issues but nothing that cant be fixed.
Praise the Lord, my baby is healing!!!!!! THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS!!!
Hgb 10
Hct 30
RBC ? I know its higher then before which means the marrow is doing its job again!
Everything is climbing just like it should.
SO!!! That means that T.E.C. may have been what he has after all. Still waiting on the Parvo results.
Some folic and B12 issues but nothing that cant be fixed.
Praise the Lord, my baby is healing!!!!!! THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS!!!
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