Tomorrow!

Tomorrow is moving day! EXCITING!!!!

Ive been absent from blogging for a while. Its been hectic with packing that I hardly have time to sleep let alone blog.

We FINALLY closed on the house today. A little irritated with the sellers trying to nickle and dime us on small petty things. They stated that the HOA was paid for up til January in their open house pamphlet and decided last minute that they wanted it refunded stating it was never written into the contract. Which it wasn't, but do not advertise something to try and lure people in if you are not going to honor it. Dishonesty is a big no no in my book.

Oh well, live and learn. They left and that was that. We found out our mortgage payment will be AWESOME. $1880. That's like 2-300 less then we had anticipated! I heard that and the little shopping light came on in my head. lol Shopping is my therapy and I LIKE IT!!

We purchased a Fombag chair today for the boys room. Tomorrow we are buying a new TV for their room so that Bubba and Chili can play their PlayStation games in his room.

We also purchased a security system for the house. Which is not needed really but it will make me feel better.

Cliff met the neighbor today, also. She looked nice. I was in the car feeding the baby so I didn't get a chance to say hi. The cul-de-sac is perfect and the neighbors all have kids that are our kids ages!!! Bub and Chil are going to LOVE it!!!

I still have a ton of things to get done around here. My bedroom isn't even close to being packed and I need to get minor things done in the kids rooms. My mother in law should be here soon. I know the minute she walks in the door it will be like "Oh my, you guys have so much to do still! Lets get going!!" Ill shoot her! I swear I will!! lol She can drive a sane person mad in a matter of an hour with her constant GO GO GO attitude. And her and Cliff, oye! This should be fun HAHA.

Ill try and update as we go from my blackberry.

Wish us luck!! We need all we can get! lol

The "M" word.

This is going to be a hard and personal subject to blog about, but today I am really down and my brain goes to dark places when that happens. I haven’t ever really talked about this before with many people. My husband and I haven’t even talked about it in deept. I don’t even know why.

This will be a bit TMI so if you don’t want to read it then go somewhere else...

A few years back, my husband was on a business trip. Things were crazy around here like always. I don’t know exactly what happened but I had been feeling off a little. I thought it was just lack of sleep or whatever because I don’t sleep when he isn’t home. I also thought maybe I was going to be starting my period because I had been cramping. I didn’t have a normal monthly period so I was kind of like whatever, if it comes it comes.

I had gone into the bathroom to pee. I pee and go to wipe. When I did, something didn’t feel right. I look and there is a big mass of some sort that had come out of me. I kind of freaked out because it wasn’t a blood clot or anything. I’ve been in the medical field for a while now so I know what is and isn’t normal. I looked at it and it looked like a sac of some kind and I knew. I called my cousin, who is an RN. I asked her what I should do. She told me to go see the doctor. I put the sac in a plastic baggy and put it in a brown paper bag and in my fridge (human tissue deteriorates and cells die faster is not refrigerated properly and quickly so it makes it hard for doctors to diagnose things). Cliff had called later that night and I had told him what happened. I didn’t know how to react to something like that. I was sad. I was in shock. I was clueless. He didn’t know how to comfort me from the other side of the world.

It was a blighted ovum. I miscarried a baby that I didn’t even know was and had stopped growing in me.

"A blighted ovum is a type of miscarriage in which the baby either never develops or stops growing at a very early stage in pregnancy and then disintegrates -- but a gestational sac does develop and the body does not recognize that the baby is missing. A blighted ovum can also be miscarried naturally, in which case the woman would have typical miscarriage symptoms."

I guess it didn’t really hit me till later. At the time it happened I had to focus on the two other kids because Cliff was gone and I was playing "Mommy-Daddy". I couldn’t think about what had just happened.

I guess I still haven’t really sat down and grieved. Why grieve for something like that? Well, regardless on if there was or wasn’t a baby visible, conception happened. Egg and Sperm join creating living cells that would have someday been a baby. Life was made and life was lost. No reason behind it. Just that it happened.

The loss of a pregnancy at any stage is devastating.

I guess I never wanted to come terms with it all until recently. So much change is going on and I sit and think of the “what if” stuff.

But that’s my story. I know so many women who have miscarried a pregnancy. It’s hard but I know that I’m not alone out there in the pain I’m feeling.

Another year has gone by

I married my best friend 9 years ago today. I will say it was the 1st best day in my life outside of my children’s birth days.

It’s crazy to think I’ve been in a relationship with him for so long lol Before him (after my ex); the longest my relationships lasted were a night. No lie. I was 19 and only looking to have a good time. When I met him, I had just gotten out of a year long relationship and was on the rebound. We both fell head over heels for one another and the night we met began a new journey for the both of us.

He left for Japan a month after we met but the distance only made us closer. Although, truth be told... I did get cold feet a month before the wedding. I got scared. 19 and about to be married. But I snapped out of it. Thank goodness. :)

About 2 months into his tour, talks about wedding plans began. He never officially asked me to marry him. We just knew it’s what we both wanted.
He came home in September on 3 weeks leave and we got married in a little chapel called The Hitching Post in Big Bear, CA. We spent our first night as man and wife in a little cottage behind the chapel run by a company called Cathy’s Country Cottages. It was perfect. And affordable! I think our little wedding cost us under $700. That included the cottages, photos (that we had to get developed on our own) and the wedding (21 people).

He went back to Japan to finish up the 6 months he had left on his tour. We had one week together as newlyweds before he had to go back. It was hard to let him go again. But I was floating on air for those months he was gone.

He really has taken care of me these 9 years. Spoiled me to no ends.
He isn’t perfect and lord knows he has made his share of mistakes as have I but we have always seen our way through the darker times and basked in the glory of the brighter times.

9 years has blessed us with a house full of love and 3 beautiful and amazing children. God has blessed us and continues to do so as we move forward.

And so it begins...

I knew eventually I was going to get sick. School starting always seems to bring the germs. Jade brought home a cold last week and now Im coming down with it and I feel just aweful. Stress has totally brought my immune system to a low and I just sucked up those awesome little germs.

Oh and Justin is on a war path with me. He didnt nap all day yesterday. He kept waking up last night. Im tired and cranky.

I just wanna pack my kitchen up and crawl into bed and die.

What a weekend. Glad its over!

This past weekend did not start off on a good foot. Just full of drama between me and my husband. But after talking things through, we pushed past it. It takes a strong love to survive what we have been through in the past few years.

So, that was Friday. Saturday we went and took our wash to the laundry mat. Load our stuff into the machines and turn them on. I thought I had cleaned all my pockets out but when we stared at the stupid glass window, there mocking me was my credit card and license sticking out of my back pocket of a pair of jeans. Eventually the machine stopped (16 minutes later) and we quickly started pulling the wash out and going through it to look for the cards. They were not there!!!! OMG! They had slipped between the machines drain crack and lodged themselves somewhere and there was no getting them back that day.

I had to call the next day to see if they had found them. The woman didn’t speak or understand English very well (makes me kick myself in the butt for not keeping up with my Spanish!! What kind of Mexican am I?!?!?) and I was just going to go in and explain to her what the issue was. Well, I look outside and I have no truck!! Cliff took it. At that point I had just woken up and wasn’t in a good mood as it was so when I saw my truck gone I just ended up getting more frustrated. What topped me off was that I called my husband 67 times in an hour and a half and he didn’t pick up. That’s right; I called him every minute for an hour!! lol He finally called me back and said his phone had been on silent. Okay, first off.. NEVER silence your phone dude!! What if it was a serious emergency?!?! (Pokes Cliff) He had silenced the phone on Friday because “I was texting him too much.” I wanted to kill him at that point lol Any-who, he says he would go to the place and see if he can solve the missing ID and credit card issue. He came home after not being able to find the cards.

He had been out all morning doing nice things. He went grocery shopping, even got my truck cleaned for me. Can we say “You are a Bitch Raquel!” Yeah, I felt horrible. I still do, kind of. No one said being in the wrong was a pleasure. I had to suck up the pride on that one. Made him dinner, gave him a little TLC.

So a little while after he got home, the lady at the laundry mat called and said she opened the machine and got the ID out but still no credit card. The machine was broken so no one was going to be able to use it anyhow. I went and picked up my license which I needed so I could purchase my damn washer and dryer! They wouldn’t let me use my Best Buy credit card to buy them unless I went into the store and verified my identity. So I was elated to get that “We found it” call.

I was so mad at myself for losing the one credit card in the wash. We had to report the card lost which closed out Cliff’s card that he was going to purchase the washer and dryer on. So I had to apply for the BB credit in order to get the deal we got on the machines. We had to buy them before midnight on Saturday. So, needless to say CLEAN YOUR POCKETS OUT!!

I received another call a half hour ago saying they found my credit card in the machine today. Relief. **sigh**

Ill add pics of the credit card later.

New House Shopping Is FUN!

My New Washer and Dryer I purchased today for the new house.

Perfection!

Washer Features: Wash Cycles 10 Wash Options 3; Temperature Settings Hot/Cold- Warm/Warm- Warm/Cold- Cold/Cold; Spin Speeds High- Medium- Low- No Spin; Soil Levels Heavy- Normal- Light; Detergent Dispenser Trays Main- Softner- Bleach; Maximum Spin Speed (RPM) 1100; Internal Water Heater; Child Lock; End of Cycle Signal

Dryer Features: Drum Material Stainless Steel; Drum Capacity 7.3 cu. ft., Preset Drying Cycles 7, Options 2, Child Lock, Lint Filter Indicator; Remaining Time Display; Adjustable Level of End of Cycle Louder/ Softer/ Off; Adjust Time Up / Down Controls; Language English; Drying Rack Allows tumble-free drying of items like sneakers and stuffed animals; Venting System

Can't Decide

Should I blog in the morning or should I blog late at night?

When do you blog?

Morning Check List

I had to start a morning check list for myself. I tend to get frazzled with getting 3 kids ready and out the door on time by myself and I forget things. Yesterday it was Robbies glasses. Those things will be the death of me.

So this is what me and the kids do 10 minutes before we walk out the door, I name the items and they yell out "Check". It teaches them some responsibility for their items. I dont had them their backpacks and stuff anymore. They have to get them off the hooks before we head out the door.

The List

Lunches - Check

Backpacks - Check

Folders - Check

Glasses - Check

Shoes - Check

Keys in pocket - Check (They MUST be in the pocket. I can set them down and lose then in a matter of seconds)

Baby Justin - Check

Mommys brain - The verdict is still out on this one.

And we're off! Seems simple enough! This morning went off without a single flaw. I even made it to my 9am doctors appointment on time!

Schools in...

My cutie pies.

Lets see. Robbie started 2nd grade today. Jadie started kindergarten. What??? Wait?? Kindergarten??? NO WAY!!! When did she grow up!?!?! Im still in shock.

They were both excited to start the school day. Daddy walked Robbie to his class and I walked my Jadie to her class. Their classrooms are on different floors so we had to split off. Which was really hard for me because I dont feel like I gave Robbie the proper first day of school goodbye. But its probably better that way since he gets really nervous and tends to start crying if Im around. Jade walked into her classroom with a big smile and took her place like she had been there the whole time. She was more then ready for this day. Me not so much lol

Between falling into a gutter this morning(thats a whole new blog in itself, oye!) and my two babies starting another chapter in their lives, Im an emotional wreck.

Its just me and JT from here on out(or until 3:40pm). Its already so quiet. No fighting amongst the older two. Jades not at my heels asking for a million things. Robbie isnt bothering me about the game. **sigh** I miss them so much right now.

Shoot. I better stop. Im already starting to get teary eyed again.

"Someday you'll have kids of your own and then you'll understand..."

Famous words of parental figures in my life when lecturing me or trying to teach my why they were treating me the way they were.

I never fully understood until I became a parent, what exactly those words meant. Now, I find myself using that same line on my own kids.

A news event happened this past week that sparked a fire with me with the reactions of some people and how they seem to be saying they condone what happened to a woman and a child in a Walmart. I'm sure you are all familiar with the news article that I'm talking about. Where a man told a young mother in Walmart to shut her crying 2 year old up or he would. Then he comes into an isles a little while later, grabs the 2 year old and slaps her in the mouth 4 times. Yeah, that one.

Shopping at Walmart is always an adventure(well, shopping anywhere there are people can be one but Wally World is a story all in itself lol). We all know it isn't the highest of high class shopping centers but its where you'll find a mix population of people. Young and old. Single and married. Parents and non-parents. Normal sounds of the store include but are not limited to check out line scanners beeping, squeaky shopping carts, "Attention Walmart Shoppers" over the PA system and of course the beautiful sounds of children running, playing, crying and occasionally you get a screamer. You sometimes shake your head and move on and sometimes if you run into the screamer and his/her parents you ignore them or you glance at the parent like "dude, come on now." For the most part, I just leave well enough alone. Probably because I myself have gone through a few temper tantrums myself with one of my own. Robbie used to throw himself on the ground and bang his head into walls(he would run full force into a freaking wall!!!) and pavement. I would go nuts trying to figure out how to stop him. Finally I just learned to ignore his tantrums and put him into bed where he couldn't hurt himself. If we were out, Id lock him in his stroller and let him scream. What more can you do? Ive learned to tune my kids out if Ive exhausted all my options. If people don't like it, oh fucking well. Walk away or go shop elsewhere. I DON'T hit my kids. I can count the number of times Ive hit my kids on one hand.

Does my lack of hitting or ignoring my kid during a crying fit make me a bad parent?? Does it mean my children are brats and are uncontrollable?? NO! My children are probably more behaved then 90% of kids out there that are their age. But, I don't lose sight that my children are just that, CHILDREN. Innocent little people who are still learning how to express themselves and how to function in society.

Now, the issues that I'm having with peoples reactions comes from comments that some make about how the child deserved it and how the mother wasn't doing her job as a parent. People making these judgements don't have children of their own or if they do, they obviously need to write a book on perfect parenting because Ill be damned is they haven't gone through at least one episode of the "Crying child" in a public store at one time or another.

Children cry. Children throw tantrums. I know this after having 3 kids. You can be the best parent in the world and try every tactic written in every parenting book but you cannot stop a child from throwing a fit by hitting them. The man who hit this little defenseless 2 year old was not even the child's guardian or parent. He was some asshole having a bad day that saw a weak moment in someone else and took advantage of it. The mother did nothing wrong in the way she was handling her own child. Its no ones business to tell her how to manage her kid unless her child was in danger or was causing someone else harm. That man had NO right what so ever to come near that woman and her offspring.

Had that happened to me, I would of given him a dose of his own poison. Id like to see someone try and tell me to shut my kid up or they'd do it for me. You wouldn't get within 10 feet of my child before you had a hard object upside your head. Its is my duty to protect my children from idiots like this guy and the idiots who are saying what he did wasn't so bad and that the child needed it. Who the hell are you to say that a child who cant defend themselves or even communicate with you other then crying, deserves to be hit in the manner that this man hit this 2 year old baby?

People are so quick to pass judgement on a parent with a screaming child. "Oh look at that, that mother cant even handle her own kid." "Some people don't know how to be parents. Look at the way her kid is screaming and crying." Jesus people!! Were you not babies once????? Did you not cry and scream when you couldn't communicate your needs or wants to your parents????

"She should of left her kid at home"... Seriously? Do you think babysitters grow on trees for all of us? Okay... let me explain this to you over privileged idiots... Not all of us have the luxury of having family around to take our kids while we make a store run. A large majority of us are military wives, single parents and stay at home moms who wear our kids 24/7. As a military wife, I moved from place to place and up until the last 3 years out of the 7 Ive had kids, I had no family or close friends to leave my children with while I went out and ran my errands. My family is in a different state on the opposite side of the country. Friends are hard to find and even harder to keep when you are a military wife. TRUE friends who you would trust to watch your kids are like a needle in a haystack.

So before you pass judgement on another person, maybe you need to step back and rethink the ignorant remark that you are about to make. If you don't have children or if you have little experience with them, then you have NO right to talk like you know how a child is suppose to act and how a mother or father is suppose to be handling them. You want to say something to the parent on their child's behavior, fine... but don't be all shocked when the parent tells you to shut the hell up and mind your own business. Ive done it before to someone telling me I shouldn't yell at my kid for misbehaving.

The whole point of this is, don't speak of what you know nothing of, do not pass judgement upon those you know nothing about and keep your nose out of other peoples lives unless they have a gun pointed at your head or are about to jump out of a 5th story window.

I'm stepping off my soapbox for the time being. But as a last warning... Don't push me cuz I'm close to the edge!!!!

Dont read it if you dont wanna get freaked out a little...

Okay, you will not get me alone in my basement again. No way! No how!

Seriously, if you don't believe in the super natural, or if you think I'm nuts for my ghost stuff, walk away now. I really don't care.

Anywayssssss,

It was about 1045 last night when I heard a noise in the basement. After 4 minutes of yelling at my husband to go see what it was, I got fed up with him and went to check myself. I open the basement door and yell "If you're down there you better run, I got a gun" lol I was lying lmao but it made me giggle a little.

So Cliff follows me down(the strongest always takes the lead haha) and we check things out and nothing is out of place. So whatever, we start to look at his patch work on the ceiling. We are talking about it and just standing there when all of a sudden I get the WORSE chills ever and the feeling of "get the hell out of there" comes over me so I look at Cliff and start to move towards the hallway and I tell him " I gotta go. I cant be in here." I HATE when I get that feeling. Its happened before. I can walk into a house and pick up on something if its there and I can tell in a matter of minutes just by the vibes I get if it wants me there or not. Cliff was fine. No chills or anything but it felt like someone had seriously pointed a vent on me and just let cold air flow on me. The AC was off. The vents in the basement are closed.

Okay so fast forward to tonight.

Cliff is laying on the couch and he says "hey babe?" I'm sitting here at the computer and I'm like "what?" He is like "never mind Ill ask you later." I'm thinking he wants something so I ask him to spell it out or something. He says "I keep seeing something out of the corner of my eye over by the Live, Laugh, Love picture frame. Its happened 3 times already."

So, I'm thinking this could explain the headache Ive had for the last few minutes. I tend to get headaches or chills or just weird feelings when I start to feel things. I call them my spidey senses lol Ive been this way since I was a kid. My family is so weird about stuff like that though so I never had anyone to talk to about it. They would probably call me nuts if I told them even now.

Anywho, Im thinking about having the new house blessed before we move in. It will make me feel more at ease. It may not stop things from happening but it will keep any negitive energy out.

Okay bed time. Tomorrow is open house for the kids! 10am for Chillie 2pm for Bubby. Exciiiiiiting!