The question of how many children we have came up in my support group the other day. There is always a pause after being asked that when you have lost a baby or a child.
My answer: 4. 3 living, 1 in heaven.
It never really dawned on me how that question would affect me later in life. Its only natural for people to ask.
I actually came across this question on a family history survey when I took Justin in for his doctors appointment the other day at a new office here. The question was "Have you had any children pass away?" or something along those lines. I had to stop and think about this. Do I put 'yes'? Do I recognize my little angel as a person who has passed away or do I keep her under wraps like she never existed? I started to feel the tears welling up again. Its such an easy question for so many parents to answer but for those of us who have lost a baby or a child, its like a dagger to the heart. Your heart starts racing and you get a knot in your throat as you struggle to answer it for the first time. I put my pen down and began to write. "1 miscarriage - Female - 8 weeks gest. - 9/08/2010". My little girl will always be a person to me regardless of how pregnant I was or wasn't to some people. She was a person living inside me. She passed away just like any other living person. Her heart stopped. Her life ended.
Ill never let anyone take away the importance of her life and what it meant to me and our family. Never.
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