I have a hard time watching newborns on TV, or seeing pregnant women in commercials. I have a hard time reading books about babies and magazines that offer pregnancy advice. I just want to sleep. Sleep away the pain in my heart. Thank God for Cliff... If he wasnt around to push me out of bed, I would sleep forever.
I was telling Cliff the other night, that a womans body and mind start to prepare itself for pregnancy and birth the moment you find out you are pregnant. And then POOF!, its all ripped away from you in the blink of an eye. It changes you forever. Anyone who has been there knows you will never be the same. You dont just forget and move on. Life moves on but a piece of your heart is lost in the world.
Everyone around me is getting pregnant and announcing their pregnancys. Im SO thrilled for them. I honestly am, but a little piece of me is sad. That should be me up there. I dont get all the congrats and praise. I dont get to have that natural high. - annnnn end pity party - NOW.
All I can do now is offer them love and pray for their health and their babies to be born beautiful and healthy!
Ive been keeping busy. Ive just about finished Haleighs box. Now Im sewing a cute 'sweet dreams' butterfly picture to put in it. I havent picked up a needle and thread in years! It feels good!
I miss you baby. There is a empty void where you once grew. Just a big empty void filled with sadness.
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