Monday, September 13, 2010

Still sad, Still crying, Blah

Tonight isn't such a good night.

Did I miss her? I have been thinking about it all night. I must of missed her. How did I miss her? Ive been so careful. It must of been in those first few days.

As sad as I am, I'm accepting it.
As painful as it is, I'm accepting it.

But what if I haven't and she is still in me? Ill need to go in and get a D&C. I don't want a D&C. I don't want them to hurt me anymore then Ive already hurt. I'm also afraid of them messing up my insides.

Cliff confessed to me that he is scared and doesn't want to try again for another baby. This mad me very sad inside. I want to try again. I want to bring a new baby into the world so we can full fill what should be. He is afraid of this happening again. I'm afraid too but in time Im sure our fears will subside. I just dont want to be trying at 35. 35 is my cut off.

I pray over time he will change his mind and we will talk about it. For now, we need to push through the pain and keep looking forward.

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