I didnt think that having a natural miscarriage would physically hurt this bad. I never really thought about it. Its less then natural labor but more then your average period cramps. You feel like this for days. Wishing it would just be over soon but secretly wishing that it would keep hurting so you know you are still feeling something instead of the numbness youve felt over the last few days.
Yup. Im numb. I feel emotions but mostly sadness and pain. Empty. Drained.
My uterus slowly closing back to the normal fist size from the softball size that it was. I dont know if Ive passed the baby or not. Ive tried my best to keep a close eye out for her. I pray that I havent missed her somehow in those first few days. But I pray that she comes soon if I havent so that I can lay her down for her eternal rest in the garden.
Most probably will think me crazy for even trying to do this. Or even talking about it but you cannot judge if you have not been there. And I pray that no one will ever judge a mother that has lost her child. She may have been a 7 week old embryo to some but she was a baby to me and her father and her brothers and sister. She was loved even before we held her just like any new life.
It helps to know Ill have a place to go to when I need to reflect and remember Baby Haleigh. A place surrounded by beauty and nature.
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