Today... I wish today never came. Last week I was begging time to hurry up so this day would come. Now all I want it to do is go away.
By now, on this day, I would of already visited my OBs office. We would of already heard our sweet babies heartbeat for the first time. We would of seen the first glimpse into my womb that held my sweet angel so safely.
Instead, I sit here. Alone in my dark basement. Wrapped up in sorrow. A grieving mother. A woman who was once full of a new life. A little girl lost.
I cry. I stop crying. I cry. I stop crying. I am so angry.
Im so ANGRY!
Im so angry... so sad... so hurt... so confussed... so devistated....
I have 3 other children. My last pregnancy went fine.
Why? What went wrong? Why did my baby die? Why? Did her heart even start beating? Did she suffer? Did she ever get to hear my voice. Did she hear me tell her how much I loved her? Did she feel my love? Did she feel the love from her daddys hand as he held my belly?
Her daddy loved her. He is having a hard time with this all. He helps me through it but hardly shows his own pain. I see it in his eyes though. He sleeps. This is how he grieves. Its always been how he handles loss.
The first night we found out about our loss, he had pains in his lower belly. He felt sick. It was like he was feeling my pain and what I was going through.
I love him. He has been the biggest help with everything. Mostly with holding me when I break.
He is my rock.
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